Thursday, November 24, 2011

Things that Bug Me

Things that bug me: It bugs me to be at a hotel counter, tire store or any place for that matter offering a service when the phone rings and the clerk redirects his attention to the person on the line. You stand there like a tolerant schmuck and are the one put on hold. Worst of all you have to listen to someone else's trivial business.

You are sitting at a cozy restaurant or coffee shop when suddenly untalented and vain musicians start playing loudly, disrupting the wonderful ambiance and putting an end to decent conversation.

Seeing the same panhandler every day at the same shopping center exit with the same sign saying God Bless on it. I want to roll down my window and exhort that I'm neither fond of God nor blesssings nor you, for that matter.

Christmas music in stores starting at Halloween. Hearing such crappy music like Jingle Bell Rock, even one more time, reinforces my growing commitment to atheism. No loving God could validate such stupidity.

Football dynasties. Isn't it great when those Southern schools or Nebraska lose! I'm tired of hearing about university pride and spirit. If you insist on having to be Number 1, impress me that your team raised more food than anyone else for the hungry.

Politicians who talk about the will of the Founding Fathers. They don't know squat about American History, couldn't tell who wrote the Constitution or when.

The sensitive touchscreen of my cellphone. Even the slightest miscue and I'm suddenly calling a friend in Portugal.

Paper receipts stuffed into my hand. What a waste of time and resources. Why should I be given one for a Starbucks coffee? Can you name any possible reason to need one? If a patron needs a reimbursement from an employer, let them ask for a receipt, but even this is idiotic.

Items that come in hard plastic packages, where it takes a sharp pair of scissors or a chainsaw to get them out.

Throw-away newspapers on my walk. Who gave you the right to litter? It tells every thief I'm not home and the delivery guy insists he must deliver them.

People in front of you who stand up at concerts so you can't see. How about that guy next to you who sings the lyrics, of course, out of tune, so it distracts from hearing the real performer.

Sliding glass windows in doctors'offices, the signing long unintelligable and useless HIPPA documents and standing in privacy lines, like you care that the woman ahead of you has hemorrhoids.

Having to fill prescriptions for maintenance drugs every thirty days. What a stupid waste of time and a cheap trick to prevent people from buying in quantity.

Signs attached to trees advertising Christ like he were Smoky the Bear.

Speed bumps in parking lots, especially the unpainted ones.

Toilet paper rolls in public bathrooms that are stuck in the housing, and no matter how much you reach up, it either doesn't unroll or at best it allows you to tear off one tiny sheet at a time.

After comparision shopping, you discover that the reasonable published airline or rental car rates that you chose didn't include taxes.

Bathrooms with blowers to dry your hands instead of paper towels. What am I supposed to do, stay in there and do my laundry while I wait for my hands to dry?

Almost everything about automobile dealerships, where a car becomes a vehicle and every week has a goofy sale with balloons. Speaking of insanely annoying marketing, on my recent trip to California (where else?) I saw a neon marquee over a Ford showroom calling it a Ford Auto Studio and a sign above a dealership announcing an Acura Salon. Talk about going in and getting a haircut!

Having to show ID if your credit card is unsigned or signature is illegible. (One of my cards even has my picture on it.) Then you give the officious saleperson the requested additional documents and have to watch them act like they were making an important decision from discerning something from the mass of numbers before them. It is folly to imagine them saying you stole the credit card and the driver's license too.

Why should you have to sign your name on a reader after you swipe your card as a requirement for a purchase in a store? I usually make a squiggle or draw a finger. Do I really need an official contract when I purchase toothpaste? It is clearly not necessary when I buy gas or purchase online. Maybe people should use the signature pad as a way to give feedback for lousy service.

Anyway, it is getting late. My son would probably say that this narrative is the ranting of another crabby old man. He may be, in part, right. Yet I'll bet my one-day-only coupon that is honored any time that you have a few annoying things you could share as well.


  1. It seems like Mr. Cockroach is intrigued by the Philippians. I think he's hysterical. Adam would be partly right by my reckoning, but most of these are pretty funny and all conjure up scenes I can relate to!

  2. Re drawing a finger on touchscreens after swiping your credit card: Okay, don't tell me, because I'm going to make a educated guess here...this would be your middle finger, right? It reminds me of one of my standard responses to abusive trolls on Internet debate boards: "Which finger am I holding up?"

    And don't get me started on those hard plastic packages! I often think they cost more to produce than whatever piece of cheap hardware you're trying to get out of them. A chainsaw is definitely the more appropriate tool. I mean...why would I want to ruin the edge on my good sewing shears on cheap plastic I'm just going to throw away? Only problem is that I don't own a chainsaw.

    I can tell you weren't really trying with this one. You could easily have made it twice as long!